Ouch! - When Someone Hits Nerve

Ouch! - When Someone Hits Nerve

You're in the middle of a conversation - at work, at home, at play or in a relationship - comfortable, collegiate, or even serious, but friendly, when everyone suddenly goes south. Someone hit a nerve.
Everyone has these experiences where, when you touch a nerve, the reaction starts. We become vulnerable.

Although these places, most of us who are not too sensitive - that is, although we react when triggered, our reaction, but fleeting, but we all have at least one or two places where brutality is a 10 on a scale of 1-10. Ouch!

Why ouch?

Psycho-emotional, our responsiveness in most cases is due to our feelings ignored (rejected, unseen, unheard, dismissed, and the like) in some shape or form. We reactivity is based on some of our past experiences with significant others who were around us, and this in the past, "wounding" are now lost (Auts!) When a current of our lives - at work, at home, at play and the report - that touches the nerve (eg, skip when you talk to your boss and want the / S HE wants to control attention and the iPhone in the middle of the conversation, your spouse / partner does not compliment you've done a good work with (children, landscape, household budgets, preparing meals or a continuing education class you take ...) You need a reaction, while present, are directly related to the times that have been ignored or rejected as a child .

These feelings arise when we feel "invisible", "outrageous" and unsupported.

What is interesting and important here is that many of us have become insensitive top we have. Numb. What we recognize is the most common response - our close, biting, sadness away (emotionally, verbally or literally) or fear.

So we are all walking raw nerve and make this dance of rubbing against other places first - and unwittingly ignorant, visiting one another in these increasingly destructive interpersonal dynamics.

What actually happens?

When you hit a raw nerve is another, or feel the sting of a nerve is rubbed against is clean, there is a palpable change in "energy". One or two are "cold" or closed in one way or another. And any reaction out of proportion. We can know what just happened and the other has not a clue. "Where did this come from?" "What happened here?" We are asking, openly or in silence. What happens is that the needs are ignored and angry and / or fear take over.

The process, which takes place very quickly, is this:

1. that are triggered by a word, look, tone, or a new tone / different emotional, etc., which takes over and says: "Attention!"

2. we have an answer "somatic" - feeling of nausea, dizziness, excitement, tension, hot or cold, increased heart rate, shallow breathing, high blood pressure, etc.;

Our third "mind" trying to make sense of our physiological reactivity and we "move" - ​​toward, away from or toward each other - that is, anger leads to "struggle", shame leads to "theft" ( stop, pull, leave); grief leads us to "let go, etc."

The antidote to "Ouch!"

The way to get re-balance, harmony and self-control, and move to a quiet moment, a lot of "conscience" of the time, to investigate what to throw out of whack - when, all of a sudden, they feel insecure , unpublished or unseen, that we become reactive. Ask:

What happened then?

What was it (the name of specific cue him) that triggered me?

What I felt was (the name of feeling, not what you "think") in the exact moment I was released?

What others say or do that caused my reaction?

What you experience sensations of my body (do not think so)?

Do physiological sensation help me name my experience (a metaphor, for example ... I felt like ...)?

What is my internal dialogue began when my going on? What is the meaning that come with?

So what should I do? What steps should I follow?

Then think about the past. Did you feel this rough when you were growing up - your parents, siblings, teachers, peers, or others, as you were raised? You see this person's past are "inside" a person that will bear? It is a person who is currently starting to see or know, that your place first?

On the other hand, when the roles are reversed, do you know the other top spots, and what you do for the bored? Have you ever shared it with others? Or they with you?

Antidote first rubbed in exchange for other stains must be aware of your raw score, and others, shared with others so that you can feel safe, but the honest and self-responsible, and then select the behaviors that prevent behave in a negative way.

So a few questions with self-reflection are:

Have you recently had to hit another sore spot, yours or another trigger? How was it? How long have you been fired? How did you resolve the situation? Did you solve it?

Have you ever shared your triggers with each other - at work, at home, at play in the relationship? How was it for you? For others?

What's it like to live their vulnerability? Do you allow others to yourself, the experience of vulnerability? Why, why not? Did you ever talk about their deepest fears? What it's like - if you do, then?

Do you feel sometimes triggered by other knowingly interfere with them? What is this you?

How did you learn your triggers? As you look back on your youth, you can see how those around you that you buy?

Do you have a relationship with it is what keeps you connected (ie if you said you would not even one? How was it for you?

If you look back at the history of the relationship was to launch a common occurrence? And 'yet? It 'ok?

--- --- ABOUT writer

Peter Vajda, Ph.D, CPC is a founding partner of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta-based company that supports conscious living through coaching and counseling. With a practice based on the dynamics of the union of the mind, body, emotion and spirit, the focus of the coaching of Peter "whole person" supports the deep and lasting change and transformation.

Peter facilitates and guides leaders and managers, individuals in their personal and professional life, partners and couples, groups and teams to move to new levels of self-awareness, improve their ability to appear genuine and with a greater sense of well-being-ING, inner harmony and interpersonal effectiveness as they live their lives at work, at home, at play and in the relationship.

Posted in: Self Improvement